In my early twenties, I started attending a women’s bible study at my church. After a few months, the leader announced that she would be leaving the church to relocate and wanted to know if there were other women interested in leading some of the women’s bible studies. I agreed, and I thought things went pretty well. Over the next few months, other women led bible studies as well, and when the new leader of the women’s ministry came on board, I wasn’t asked to assist her. She was given a list of other names of potential teammates, but I wasn’t on the list. I immediately assumed… I wasn’t good enough.
I’ve had that negative feeling a lot in my life. My father was a part of my life growing up, but there were times our relationship was distant. That meant, I wasn’t good enough. In middle school and high school, boys didn’t ask for my number and they didn’t ask me out on dates. That meant I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t get picked for the cheerleading squad. I wasn’t voted as homecoming queen. I wasn’t asked to be the leader of the young adult ministry I had helped to build. I wasn’t picked to join another leadership ministry I wanted to be on. I wasn’t asked to be a maid of honor or bride’s maid in my friends’ weddings. As always, not being picked to lead any more bible studies must have meant…I wasn’t good enough.
Now in my mid-thirties, I still don’t get picked for the things that mean the most to me. For some reason, there’s a deep need for me to be chosen. For someone to make me feel like they see me, and I matter to them. I’m always looking around and I see my peers being selected and I can’t help but to wonder why no one picks me. Why are all of my co-workers either married with children, or at least in a serious, committed relationship? Why are my teammates entrusted to facilitate sister circles, conferences, and workshops, but not me? Why wasn’t I asked to be grade level team leader? How come I didn’t get a student intern to mentor in my classroom? Why wasn’t I asked to be on the curriculum writing team when I have a master’s degree in curriculum and instruction?
For me, not being selected automatically translates to…I’m not good enough. Although I feel this on a regular basis, there comes a time when that lie has to come face to face with God’s word. While our feelings are very real and very valid, they are not always reflective of God’s truth. Would our Heavenly Father ever say to us, “You’re not good enough”? Absolutely not! Those are not His words. That’s not even the essence of His character.
Sisters, I encourage you today…seek God’s truth in spite of how you feel. Let His truth be bigger than your feelings. Often times, our perspective can lead us to bondage. When we don’t feel picked by someone, we feel rejection, denial, and lack of interest. Many times, that’s not even the case but once that seed has been planted in our minds, we take that feeling and wash ourselves in that lie every day. We make it our reality. We jump to that conclusion every time something doesn’t go our way.
I challenge you today…believe something different. No matter how you feel, believe in the good and positive for yourself, about yourself.
~Keah Mason