We are elated to present a blog post from our REAL Women Hampton Roads VA Lead Facilitator, Sheri Fayton. Sheri helps us understand the difference between doing and trying in a very personal, heartfelt way. Experience it here and share your thoughts by leaving us a comment
or emailing us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I Quit Trying
I’ve always been a competitive soul. It didn’t matter, whether it was related to grades, pageants, sports, career aspirations, or playing a game of monopoly…. I wanted to WIN. And I was going to do it at ALL COST!! The sacrifice, sweat, tears, and blood were a welcome, even necessary component of winning…
so I thought.
I didn’t realize the insidious process of my soul becoming acclimated to the excruciating agony it felt as I chased my ‘win’. That agony would never allow me to Quit TRYING, not even if the sacrifice was ME!!
Quit trying?!?!? What kind of nonsense is that???
We’re taught as little girls to “ALWAYS try your best” and as adults, “Winners never quit.” Sooo, I kept trying.
Year after year.
Separation after separation.
Devastation after devastation.
Broken promise after promise.
I TRIED and I TRIED and I TRIED and I TRIED.
I tried even as I lost hope in my own purpose. I kept trying even while noticing my ability to love and be present with others was becoming a burden rather than a joy. I kept trying even as I began to turn my back on the One who created me because surely a loving God would not ALLOW me to go through such pain, humiliation, turmoil, confusion, and loss! I kept trying….
Until the ONLY thing left was the ‘Win!’ There was none of me.
Somewhere along the way, I had learned my insatiable desire to save a relationship had become more vital than saving me.
So, I quit trying.
For me, ‘trying’ had shifted (at some point) from an act to a state of ‘being’ that held me bondage and kept me stuck. ‘Trying’ had become a perpetual mindset not allowing me to move forward into wholeness. You see, all of my energy was monopolized in the ‘trying’ not allowing me to BECOME the very thing(s) I was created be. So…
I quit trying!