My birthday is about a month away and I’m already starting to feel all the feels. Interestingly, there’s been a funk in the air for me this time of year since I was in my twenties. Back then, I felt like I was too far behind everyone else with their life’s achievements. My waiting room experiences left me feeing jealous and heavy on the comparisons. But now, while the aroma is a bit different, the potential of the stench in my attitude is still there.
Now facing 43, the obstacles are rooted in different reasons. As I look in the mirror, my reflection is one I don’t easily recognize anymore. Weight gain, gray hair, thinning hair, lines, sagginess…physical differences. But the changes don’t stop there. Changes in moods, energy, interests, abilities, relationships, sleeping habits, taste buds, and responsibilities are all coming so quickly at once. Food that I used to love has broken up with me. New aches and pains are now coming for me. My medicine cabinet is stocked just in case, and a battery-operated fan is my desired birthday present. Adventures and date nights? Catch me at the chiropractor’s office.
Once again, I’m bracing myself. Determined not to isolate and hide, I take the bold step to activate the heart of celebration. I adjust my posture. Not only attempting to stand tall with my head held high, but also with an open mind. Intentional on speaking words of positivity and praise for this blessed season, despite it feeling a bit heavy. I’m determined to feed the good, for that will be what grows.
So here we are…my annual count down on social media. This time a highlight of 43 moments from the past year. Why? Because this is one way I fight my battles. If I initiate a celebratory nature, it helps me with the hard feelings. On day #2, I posted a picture from November. A bob cut with some color…just what my hair needed. Don’t worry, it was just a rinse😊 But I smiled while taking that selfie a few months ago. Shortly after posting this morning, my former teacher from high school commented, “Keah, you know I still can’t believe you’re a real grown up. I still see that teenager in your smile. Let the countdown begin”! Deep sigh…she’s still there. She’s still here. I can’t believe she’s (me) a grown up either!
While my only intent in posting is always to invite others on the journey of celebration with me, I am always humbled by God’s precious reminders. Aging is a thing. Thoughts and feelings about aging can be hard. There’s a mixture of emotions that literally feels like the scariest roller coaster ride ever. You feel a sense of freedom, wisdom, confidence, humility, and gratitude, while at the same time, you feel simply lost. Lost from who you use to be and lost in the uncertainty of who you’re becoming. On any given day, I feel all the things. But to remember that I am still that girl, gives me hope to embrace the next version of me too. Cheers to loving my past, my present, and my future. As I face 43, here’s to celebrating…me.
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