While recently scrolling through Facebook, I saw a friend’s post that read,
‘Introduce yourself as the meaning of your name’. I noticed what people wrote…
Hello, I am Life.
Hello, I am Leader of God’s People.
Hello, I am She Who Rules.
Hello, I am God Has Been Gracious.
I thought that was a cool post, so I decided to join in. I looked up the meaning of
my name and then posted, ‘Hello, I am Change of Seasons’. WOW!!!!
The weather has been pretty nice this week. Some students are returning to
school for in-person learning, some Covid restrictions are easing up a bit, and most
people are excited to enter into this new season. Many are ready to spring forward
and embrace the warm weather, but me?
All I can think about is how drastically my life changed last spring. I waved to my
students on March 13, 2020, expecting to see them back in school in two weeks.
Instead, I only saw them again through a computer screen for the remainder of
the school year. Like the rest of the world, I had to adjust to a new normal while
feeling the sadness of isolation. On top of that, I watched in dismay as my mom’s
health rapidly declined.
I became a virtual teacher for my students and a caretaker for the strong woman
who had always taken care of me. When had I agreed to these roles being
reversed? I watched in sorrow as an illness took her breath away and stripped her
of mobile abilities. I lifted her body out of the recliner she was confined to as she
leaned on me for trips to the bathroom only a few short steps away from her
bedroom. I bathed her, washed her hair, constantly rotated fresh towels around
her legs that leaked fluid, and cooked her meals. I listened intently to the sound of
her oxygen machine in fear that it would turn off.
Last spring, I cried myself to sleep because I watched my mom suffer. This spring,
I’m afraid to look ahead as the memories and pain flood my mind and heart. I
couldn’t care less about the warm weather when my heart feels frozen. Let these
temperatures match the coldness I feel inside.
But even in my frigid state, God sends a warm reminder that breaks the ice. A card
laying around the house with the signature, “Love Mom”, a text message with an
emoji of two pink hearts, one slightly bigger than the other, side by side, my own
reflection in the mirror that looks just like her, a glimpse of a photograph with her
arms around me. Warmth. I remember. I am loved. She has triumphed. She’s still my
mom.
A reminder of her victory and a prompt to celebrate in her honor. A recap of her
legacy, her prayers for me, my prayers for her, and I remember.
A reminder of who I am. I am her daughter. She is my mother. Gifted to each
other by a gracious and loving God to whom we both belong. He allows us to be
forever connected. My solace is two hearts, one slightly bigger than the other, side
by side.
I remember my name…Keah, instead of Leah. Spelled with a K to match the initials
in her first name. Keah…the change of seasons.
And I realize…as the seasons’ change, I am the change.
As the sun shines, so will I. As the flowers bloom, so will I. As the trees grow, so
will I. As the ice melts, so will the coldness in my heart.
In the spring, as the flowers poke their heads out of the dirt and time springs
forward, I won’t fall back. Like the birds, I too will sing and the meditation of my
heart will be just as vibrant as the colors surrounding me. Just as the spring
intends to produce life, I- WILL- LIVE. I will look to the sun and smile back
because the warmth reminds me that I am Keah- the change of seasons.